Hardest post ever to make.

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Re: Hardest post ever to make.

Postby DeCavelier » Fri May 11, 2018 2:57 pm

My sincere thanks to all you guys who have taken the time to offer your thoughts and sympathies. We all feel helpless in times like these to offer comfort to someone struggling with the loss of a loved one. I do want to let you know that your posts and comments about this DO comfort me and it helps a lot.

For whatever reason I purposefully left out the details of his passing that Wednesday night but after some time has passed I feel intuitively now that it’s too important to sweep what happened under the rug.

That night Chuck took a pistol and made the decision to end his life. He’d been struggling with depression for over 20 years. On two other occasions he reached out to me for help and let me know that he felt darkness was filling his life and the will to keep living was waning. On those occasions I leaned heavily into seeing him through it and treated the situations as life and death.

This last time he did not reach out or ask anyone for help.

I say that to say this...

Make no assumptions when it comes to depression. It can snatch up a loved one in a blink. Of course I wish now that I’d engaged some kind of conversation with him in the weeks leading up to his passing. Not blaming myself but how can I not wonder what if? It was his decision and he saw it through but it was a stupid, desperate act in my opinion and I feel it’s hard to forgive him for it.

I know his head wasn’t right. He’d gone off his medication because the greenhouse business was ramping up and the meds made him too sleepy to get all the work done. As a result, not only was he off his meds but he wound going without any sleep for 3 straight days.

This didn’t have to happen. So damn.

Newcat, I wrote your story into the eulogy and it really added a lot to what I had to say. The comment, “He ate all my fresh oysters!” drew a hearty laugh from everyone at the service.

Different things I’ve written over the years have had different levels of priority for me. My wife and son would say unequivocally that 100% of my posts over the last 8 years and zero priority and were in fact completely pointless. (I’ve had a few posters point out the same thing).

But man, that eulogy was something I never imagined I’d have to write but it felt like the most important thing I’d ever tried to write. It could have been better but that b****** didn’t warn me he was gonna do that and thus I was squeezed for time.

Again, my appreciation to all you guys. You are the best. CANNON, Imma gonna write and record a Gaffney tune for you soon. It’s on my to do list. RC, thanks dude! I’m going to the Gaffney/Greenwood game this year so maybe I’ll see you two and some others. We should plan maybe a stop by Denny’s either before or after the game.

I appreciate the post DB Cooper. So very true! It was a Hell of a good friendship and something I’ll never forget. I’ll think of a lot of people and things one day just before I pass on and Chuck will be one of them. We’d agreed we’d go willingly to a nursing home as long as our kids put us in the same place and we were neighbors when they did it. Now that plan is shot to Hell.

Here’s to a long life and many new football memories to come.

Chuck, I hope you found what you thought you wanted. It wasn’t what anyone else wanted though. You will be missed. I dunno, at least he’s not unhappy anymore but dang man...happiness is measured in height not width.

Ha, every Dorman win from here on out will make me wish Chuck was still here. And every hard defeat I’ll probably say, “Well at least he didn’t suffer through this one.”

I am going to try and make it to the baseball finals Saturday at 7 between Dorman and Riverbluff if anyone else is going hit me up!

Thanks for letting me ramble and do me a favor, hit up your buddy on Facebook and make plans to hang out with him or her. That’s just my humble advice.

Peace out,
Mark
“Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine.”- Elvis Presley
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